Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
