Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
