chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
