i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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