why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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