Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
