I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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