Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
