i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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