WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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