I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
