drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
