can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
