Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
that may or may not have been my penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
