and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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