You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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