you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
