i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
