1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
