Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize