Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
