Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
