8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
two words...techno handjob
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
