I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
