Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
