I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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