All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
