honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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