I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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