please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
