nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My liver just broke up with me...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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