i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
