You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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