Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
