I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
