Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
