hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
