Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The Olympian is in my bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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