yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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