So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
