I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
4 words: hood of his car
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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