I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
