My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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