I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
