I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
