Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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