I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
