Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
