He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
