We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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