Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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