And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
