No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
