if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
