Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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