Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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