as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
