I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
