Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
