Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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