no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
