The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
