Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
