dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
