Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
