i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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