A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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