Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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