i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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