: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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