Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
