____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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