come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
